By Joanna North
Adoption often brings deep joy — but it can also bring complex challenges that test even the most loving families. In her recent article for the British Psychological Society, Dr Joanna North explores what happens when love alone isn’t enough to help children who use aggression or violence to express distress.
Dr North reflects on her decades of work in adoption support and child psychotherapy, where she has seen rising instances of child-to-parent violence. Drawing on the Non-Violent Resistance (NVR) model by Haim Omer, she explains how parents can regain calm authority and re-establish safe, loving connections with their children — even when relationships have broken down.
“At the heart of NVR is the key principle that we can control our own behaviour, but the hope that we can control others is simply an illusion.”
Through compassionate but firm boundaries, the NVR approach helps families replace cycles of fear and control with trust, stability and emotional safety. It’s about parents finding the courage to say “no” to violence while saying “yes” to relationship repair.
For adoptive families, this work can be life-changing. Dr North emphasises that many children who have experienced trauma or disrupted attachments need carers who can be both loving and strong — adults who anchor them through consistent care and gentle, clear boundaries.
“Reasonable expectations and an experience of the loving limit help children feel secure and happy.”
At Joanna North Adoption, we echo these values every day in our therapeutic and support work with families. Love remains essential — but when it’s paired with structure, community support and compassion, it truly becomes transformative.